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Goonies 2
Goonies 2 is the third episode of the first season of the Irate Gamer Show. The long list of doublethink commited by The Irate Gamer can be seen here Plot synopsis Irate Gamer attempts to show off his credibility as a Goonies fan by reviewing Goonies 2 on the NES. It all goes horribly wrong in this horror themed episode about a man who finds hitting old ladies funny, at least until he find out that she has the same grammatical skills as he does; making them relatable at a fundamental level. High Detail Plot summary Chris Bores begins by stating that he “'fondly remembers playing this game as a kid'.” and then says “'But as much as I loved the movie, I had the opposite reaction towards this game.'” demonstrating his superior script writing skills. Irate Gamer states that the title of the game is confusing since there was no Goonies 2 and thus the video game must be a sequel to the movie (even though the game is in its own continuity). Irate Gamer then says “'What’s worse then playing your video games out of order?'” and then says “'Who in their right mind would play Castlevania III before Castlevania I'?” before stating that playing games out of order is punishable by death. Chris does not note that Castvania 3 should be played before the original Castlevania since that is the correct chronological order since he is not a Castlevania fan (Though he claimed to be one in one of his later reviews.) and thus wants all true fans of the series to die. He also does not note that most sequels have self-contained stories and thus playing the prequel is unnecessary. Chris Bores wishes death on people who play vidoe games because by choosing to play games in the correct order, they know more than him and are thus lesser beings. Chris Bores looks at a shelf of PS2 games and notes that Goonies 1 on the NES has never been in stores. Irate Gamer brings up the possibility that the games have been labeled out of order and states that he is chronologically confused about Donkey Kong. It should also be noted that Donkey Kong has nothing to do with Goonies and that each game is completely self-contained. Irate Gamer makes full use of wikipedia and states that Goonies 1 was a Japan only release even though there were Goonies 1 in playchoice American arcades demonstrating that Irate Gamer is very selective wikipedia reader. Irate Gamer shows ethnocentrism by stating that the U.S is always getting "fucked in the ass" in terms of game releases showcasing his lack of regard for Europe, Austrailia, South America, China and Russia. Perhaps its is because these Nations do not sound edible that Chris Bores does not believe they exist. A full 2 minutes and a half into the video, Irate Gamer explains the story of the Goonies 2 is to rescue Annie from the 'Bad Guys from the movie'. He states “'Why does Mikey have to rescue her? Doesn’t this town have a police force?'” demonstrating that Irate Gamer's idea of a game is one where the player has no control and would have to watch other people beat the game for him (after which Chris would steal all the credit for). Chris Bores states that there isn't enough explanation for the various things in the game such as the kidnapped goonies because he did not read the manual since he was too busy setting it on fire making full use of an emulator. Chris Bores states that the game is difficult to figure out since there are two buttons on the NES controller in addition to the D-pad and start and select buttons. Chris Bores whines that “'There are no stages or levels, you just have to wander around looking for items to use'” demonstrating that he wants the game to hold his hand every step of the way and hates wide open sandbox type games. Chris Bores states that using the hammer to search for items is not fun and that “'It’d be more fun to rip the hair out of my ass then play this game'” showcasing the Irate Gamer Show's lack of toilet humor and also his favorite past-time. After smashing open a wall Chris Jokes “'I guess the person that put up the drywall in this house really fucked up'.” while the fratelli's groan at his stupidity and inability to realize they set that house up while Crickets (the main audience of the show) chirp. After finding one of the goonies he is supposed to rescue, the goonie remarks “'You’re Braver Than Brand'” to which Irate Gamer finds is upsetting since the sentence is more corherent than anything he has made. Irate Gamer replies “'What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I’ve never heard that before in my life!'” demonstrating Irate Gamers reading comprehension skills. It appears that Irate Gamer is trying to state that he is confused by the word Brand but even then that makes no sense since Brand is a goonie and so it wouldn't surprise Bores unless he was pretending to be a Goonies Fan. Irate Gamer calmly and in a serene voice says “'Man, this game pisses me off'” hopefully being nominated for an oscar with such emotive acting. Chris says that the first person puzzle sections are confusing and that “'half the time they don’t even make no sense at all'.” with the double negative showing that rooms make complete sense since they do not make no sense. Irate Gamer states that the navigation system is confusing since he can't read the manual and can't read the navigation arrows that show that the go command is relative to the character and not the screen. Irate Gamer comes to a section where the player character is by a ladder that is right next to a hole. He notes that if the player jumps down the hole, he will die, but going down the 10 foot ladder will take the player to the next screen. Irate Gamer also notes that you cannot attack while on a ladder and that enemy attacks must be taken "like a bitch" so in other words like how Irate Gamer is taking the attacks. Chris comments that if you die, you respawn but without any of the keys you had. Irate Gamer states that these features that are in 90% of the games he's "played a dozen times" and knows the "ins and outs of" makes the game suck. Irate Gamer then states that the best part of the game is hitting people in the first person sections with a hammer since they can't fight back and thus are acceptable targets via lesser beings. Irate Gamer hits an old woman several times with a hammer demonstrating his superior morality. Irate Gamer notes that the old womans response to the hitting shouldn't be “'What do you do?'” but “'What did you do?'” demonstrating that Chris Bores lacks sentence construction skills since the correct line should be What are you doing?. Irate Gamer notes that since the old lady has poor english skills such as he does, she is no longer a lesser being and thus fun cannot be had by hurting her. Irate Gamer manages to save all the goonies and finds the presence of the mermaid at the end of the game confusing. This shows that Irate Gamer used an emulator with cheats since he didn't show any of the other important items and acts surprised despite the revelation that Annie is a mermaid being revealed on the cover and manual of the game. Irate Gamer notes that none of the characters in the game (Aside from the old lady) are as stupid as he is and that they should sink to his level of intelligence by being surprised by the presence of a mermaid. Irate Gamer shows his disdain for smart people and smashes the game with a hammer demonstrating his superior taste in gaming. Trivia *''"The Goonies"'' is Chris Bores' favorite film. *The reason the game was called Goonies 2 was due to the fact that the first game had a Japan only release. There is the Family Computer release and the MSX release. The Goonies 1 game was available in America but as a Playchoice 10. *The confusion about Donkey Kong chronology is very similar in terms of content to AVGN's confused about chronology lecture on the Zelda series. They can thankfully be seperated due to their contrasting differences in intelligence and quality. *Irate Gamer should have known that hitting people is a bad idea. In the game there is a character known as Konami man who will provide lives, replenish your health and save your game. If the player hits him, then he'll stop helping. Irate Gamer would almost certainly hit Konami man since anyone who tries to help others instead of themselves are automatically labeled as lesser beings. *The hammer of the game is a clear rip-off of AVGN's "It's hammer time" from his TMNT 3 review. *Goonies 2 clearly resembles Metroid, another NES game. *Even though, Bores is stumped at the quote, "You're braver than Brand." he states in the description that he is aware of the fact and thought adding this idea would make it funny. It had the opposite emotional effect on audiences. External links *Internet Movie Database *The Goonies II at Wikipedia Video Category:The Irate Gamer season 1 episodes Category:The Irate Gamer episodes